Identity Crisis?

“…For I know where I came from and where I am going…but you don’t know this about me. ¹⁵ You judge me by human standards…” John 8:14-15a (NTL)

 When I first came across this scripture in John Chapter 8, it almost leaped off the page at me. I had to stop my bible reading to look closer at what Jesus was saying here to the religious people of the day when they were challenging Him on His identity…

 Reading it over again, the Lord impressed upon me three things that I hope you’ll let sink deep into your spirit today as well:

 1)      We don’t ever have to try to convince anybody of who we are—as long as we are fully convinced of it ourselves! (Tip: We must first get convinced of whose we are before we can ever truly identify who we are!

2)      Others will always judge us by human standards and by what they can see with their natural eye. God does not! Trust what God says about YOU!

3)      Our identity is not only based on where we are headed—to Heaven as Christians—but it is also based on where we have come from. Our past—or where we have come from—has brought us to where we are today and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Always remember: Our past is a treasure trove from which to pull great lessons and experience. So don’t deny it, don’t be ashamed of it; USE it to minister to someone else’s future today!

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So, let me ask you…can you say with confidence that you know exactly who you are and where you are going? Or do you sometimes find yourself in an identity crisis, wondering who you are and what your called to do in this world? Spending your day trying to prove your worthiness to others? And getting stuck in thinking that WHO you are is based on WHAT others say or think about you and WHAT you have done in the past? Is it sometimes hard to move into your appointed destiny because of these things? 

Well if so, today, choose to think on this: who we are is not determined by what others say or by what WE have done in the past but rather by what HE says about us and by what He has done for us on the Cross!!! 

God wants you to know with confidence who you are–His beloved child–and He wants you to walk with purpose into your world to affect change around you!!

He loves you. He accepts you. He has confidence in you! Now choose to believe it for yourself. Choose to square your shoulders and walk with confidence today!!

Learning to Live in the “Here and Now”

It was Sunday morning and I’d won the fight of getting out of bed, into the shower and dressed for church. Fully prepared to take on my second battle of the day, I walked into my three-year-old daughter’s room to see if she was also getting ready for church as I’d instructed. Jordan hadn’t been feeling well the past few days and was unusually irritable all morning, so I fully anticipated finding her sitting on her bed in the same Snow White slippers and nightgown that I had told her to change, defying my request with her little face puckered into a mutinous frown.
Instead, I found her curled on her bed with her eyes closed in innocent slumber. I covered her warm little body with the blanket, turned on her lullaby music, slipped off her Snow White slippers, and quietly tiptoed out of the room.
After sending my husband and son off to church, I stood in the middle of my messy kitchen wondering, “Now what do I do?” It was Sunday morning and I was entirely dressed for church but trapped at home with my sick, sleeping child.
“Do I go back to bed?” I asked myself. No, I’d already gone through the ordeal of fixing my hair and I’d only feel as if I’d wasted that half hour of my life!
As I looked around at the mess, I contemplated cleaning the house. But, spending my Sunday morning doing that held little interest for me, nor did watching church on television, so I wandered upstairs to my office.
I plopped into my desk chair ready to do some research for this book. As I looked out the window down the street, I discovered that many of my neighbors weren’t attending church either. They were busy washing their cars, mowing their lawns, walking their dogs, or getting in their morning jog.
I was determined to accomplish something myself, so I pulled Google up on my computer and typed the words “Tokyo Disneyland” into the search engine box.
After perusing the listing of usual finds, I saw one that caught my eye: “Tokyo Disneyland 10th Anniversary.” It was a YouTube video posted by “ParkHopper.” Out of curiosity, I clicked on it. I sat back in my pleather chair and took a sip of my now lukewarm tea.
As the video suddenly came to life, I nearly toppled out of my chair. It was my video! Well, not my video, but a video of my Disney cast from fourteen years earlier. Evidently, ParkHopper had been to the Tokyo Disneyland theme park while I was on cast there, playing the role of Disney Princess. And there I was sitting in my office in sunny Florida watching my former Disney life play before me on my computer screen. Two of my cast mates came up playing Peter Pan and Wendy, so I leaned in closer to see if I’d been captured on his video as well.
Though I couldn’t find myself in the video, the memories came alive for me as I watched and my heart raced with excitement. Once again, I felt the thrill and pleasure of that moment pulsing through my veins. I couldn’t help myself; I was up and out of my chair singing the theme song and dancing the steps as if it were only yesterday when I had performed them live.
Realizing much too late that my blinds were open. I immediately closed them . . . then stood in the center of the room in amazement. How could I remember the choreography from fourteen years ago? This was the first time since my stay in Japan that I’d seen anything from that period of my life.
As the two-and-a-half-minute video came to a close, I thought to myself, “I did that! Oh my! I did that!” Then I repeated it out loud.
A sense of pride welled up within me. I’d actually had the opportunity to live and work in Japan and play the coveted roles of Cinderella, Snow White, Belle, Sleeping Beauty, and even Mary Poppins—my childhood dream since age seven. “I did that.” I whispered again in amazement. I had lived out my dream to be a princess.
I clicked the play arrow so I could watch it all again. On the third go around I sat back down, watching more closely for my cast members. I obviously wasn’t working that day because I wasn’t on the video, but some of my friends were. Nodding my head and smiling, I said, “Thank you, God, I did that!”
“Oh how I would love for Jordan to see this video!” I said, jumping out of my chair and stepping toward her room. Quietly, I snuck over to the door and pressed my ear against it. Hearing no movement from the other side of the door, I could tell that she was still sleeping soundly in spite of my singing and dancing in the next room. A bit disappointed, I returned to my computer and saved the video under My Favorites. I knew Jordan would love to see it later.
While smiling at that thought, I was struck by another: “I’ll email ParkHopper.” My fingers moved across the keys as I composed the email to a person I did not know, would likely never meet, and who may possibly live thousands of miles away from me. I began:
Dear ParkHopper,
My name is Jennifer, and I’m writing you concerning your 10th Anniversary Tokyo Disneyland video posted on YouTube.
I was a Disney Princess that very year, and I was wondering what I could do to get a copy of that video. It was a wonderful but tumultuous time in my life—an opportunity of a lifetime that I will always have had the joy of experiencing. But, the problem is, I don’t have anything to remember it by. What I one time had from fans was lost in a move years ago and I have always regretted losing them. I now have children of my own and have nothing really to show them from that time in my life.
Would you let me know what you have from that year and what I can do to get a copy. I would soooo greatly appreciate it!!!!
Thanks for making my day! I haven’t heard that song in fourteen years and I was sitting at my desk crying and singing every word as if it were yesterday! Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

 I had spared him the gory details of just how tumultuous my life at Disney really was. I didn’t think he would appreciate hearing how, while at Disney, I was a self-hating bulimic looking for love in all the wrong places.
Hitting Send, I watched with anticipation that any moment ParkHopper would get my email and respond.
“I did that,” I repeated again as I waited, “and now I can show it to my kids.” But as the words came out of my mouth, my pride and excitement shifted into sorrow and deep regret. Unbidden, tears welled into my eyes as it occurred to me that I’d just emailed a complete stranger to ask him if he could send me my memories.
It was then when I realized that I had been given the opportunity of a lifetime and missed it. My childhood dream-come-true had come and gone. When it had failed to fulfill me as I expected it to, I simply did what I always did. I set my sights on chasing yet another dream with the hopes that there, I would find what was missing in my life. Because I was so caught up in myself—in my fears, my inhibitions, my self-doubt, my feelings, the pain from past disappointments—I missed out on the sheer enjoyment of the very moment and opportunity that I had prayed for all my life.
With that profound revelation, I stepped lightly toward my daughter’s bedroom once again, this time opening the door quietly and peeking in. Seeing her still fast asleep, I walked into the room and stood over her for a moment.
“Where have the years gone and what have I missed since then?” I thought. “And what am I missing now?”
Noticing her favorite Snow White slippers that lay beside her bed, I kneeled down beside them, held them in my hands, and silently began to pray.
“God, forgive me. Forgive me for missing today by living for tomorrow. Help me to stop chasing and start living, enjoying each and every moment I am given. Today is all I have. Help me. Help me to understand that the dreams you have placed in my heart for tomorrow will only come true if I learn to embrace the opportunities and fulfill the purposes I have been given right now. Don’t let me chase my next dream without fully experiencing or learning from the one I am living right now. Help me to discover the blessings that lay right before me. I don’t want to miss another day, another moment, ever!”
I looked up at my daughter, beginning to weep as I concluded my prayer, “And Lord, please, help me never to have to email a complete stranger to ask for my memories again.”

Waking Up With My Wal-Mart Guy

Several years ago, I had just given birth to my first child, a beautiful (and huge) baby boy whom we named Bradley “Cole.” As joyous as we were over his birth, it was absolutely devastating to me that I’d gained over sixty pounds (more than double the amount of recommended weight gain) during my pregnancy. I’d had the baby, but the weight was still there!

Honestly, the weight itself wasn’t the biggest problem. I knew that I was heavy, but even more than that, I knew how I’d gotten there. I was bound again to an eating disorder that had nearly taken my life just a few years prior. I was alone and in pain. I was once again in bondage to an eating disorder that was consuming my life! As the saying goes: Eating disorders aren’t as much about how much food you consume, but rather how much food consumes you!

Unmistakably—I was consumed! It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning, and the last thing I thought about when I went to bed, not to mention all the hours in between. If I wasn’t thinking about eating, I was thinking about not eating. The more miserable and depressed I became, the more I buried my pain under more food. Soon everything in my life was falling apart! I’d allowed food to become my God and I knew that was a sin and I knew better.

Knowing that I couldn’t continue to live like this, I decided to get serious with God in prayer! Night after night, I would sit and rock my newborn baby, praying that God would deliver me! When he was asleep, I would sit alone in my chair and just cry. When no one was around, I would lay face-down on the floor and plead for God to help me. I had been asking God to deliver me and change me, day after day, week after week, but no answer! It was like God just wasn’t hearing me!

One afternoon, in all of my misery, I decided to leave the baby with my mom and escape to do some shop therapy…something else I knew better than to do! But  it was there in Wal-Mart that something defining happened that would forever change my outlook on prayer!

Anthony and I were in the check out line just waiting for our groceries to be rung up when a friend of my husbands came walking up to us in line.  I can’t really tell you his name.  I just called him the Wal-Mart guy because that’s the only place we would ever see him.  He didn’t work there…we just happened to run into him almost every time we were there shopping.  Anyways, he walked up to Anthony, put his hand on his shoulder, and said “Good to see ya’ man!”  Then looking over at me, pointing at my [still] enormous belly, he said words I’ll never forget, “Hey, not much longer huh?”

It didn’t take him but a moment to realize that he had just stuck his foot so far down his throat that neither he, nor I, could breathe.  The room seemingly stopped.  It was all the nosey cashier could do to bag faster and not look up.  The “Wal-Mart guy’s” eyes were as big as saucers as I imagine his heart was probably beating out of his chest.  My knuckles were turning white and my eyes welled up with tears.  I could envision myself literally leaping over the cart between us and pummeling the man half to death- I wanted to “lay hands on the man suddenly!”  All I knew was to write that check and get out of there before I broke.  I knew that given my already unstable frame of mind and roller-coaster emotions that I had better just get to the car!  I wrote my check and tried desperately not to look at anyone- especially him.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do worse…scream, hurt him, or squall like a baby! I nearly ran to the parking lot!

But then—somewhere between the double exit doors of Wal-Mart and my parked SUV— God spoke to me in an undeniable way. Almost instantly, I was reminded of every tear I’d shed about my eating disorder, and every prayer I’d prayed concerning my weight gain. I could literally see myself lying face down on my floor in tears, crying out for God to help me! Then, as I began loading my groceries into the truck, He brought my attention to all of the junk I’d just purchased at Wal-Mart—cookies, ice cream, desserts…

 And then… an all-too-familiar scripture went scrolling through my mind—one I’d preached dozens of times before—the one found in 2 Chronicles 7:14:

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

 I knew exactly what He was telling me!

Later that night, I got alone with God and He was kind enough to illuminated two very important words to me in this scripture: if and then. As He pointed out: that passage didn’t say that God would hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land, and all they would have to do is sit there and look pretty while praying about it. No, it said if the people of God would do three things, 1) humble themselves, 2) pray, and 3) seek His face, then God would do three things that they were asking, 1) hear, 2) forgive, and 3) heal their land.

In other words, IF I wanted to be delivered, and IF I wanted to lose weight, THEN I would have to eat differently.  IF I was going to change, THEN I would have to get off of my complaining, excuse-making backside and DO something about it.  Praying for weight loss was pointless if my prayer was followed by a pint of Ben-n-Jerry’s ice cream!

I guess you could say it like this: this is where the rubber meets the road. Are we just praying that God will deliver us or are we willing to get into agreement with what He calls for us to do in order that we might be delivered?

Let me put it to you this way: Are your actions consistent with your prayers?

Mine weren’t! I was asking God to deliver me of my food addiction but then telling him to keep away from my food! Its kind of like a porn addict asking God for deliverance and yet refusing give up his favorite magazine or lock up his computer! Or a cancer patient asking God for healing while continuing to smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day! Or an unfaithful wife asking God to improve her marriage but not being willing to end her extramarital affair! 

Friend, our actions MUST be consistent with our prayers! God wants to help us, but we have to be willing to do our part. I’ve heard it said this way: If we’ll do what we can do, then God will do what we can’t do! There are things that are required of us before we can expect God to intervene. This is not because God wants to exercise dictatorship over us; He simply wants us to turn to Him and trust Him. It is through our obedience to God’s commands that we show Him that we love Him, that we trust Him, and that we are ready and willing for Him to come into our situation and do His part. And when we do that, then and only then can we fully expect that He will show up, being faithful to His word, and work on our behalf.

“IF my people…THEN will I hear from heaven…”

Dear Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for asking You one thing while doing another. Help me to keep my actions consistent with my prayers! Oh…and one more thing…thank you for caring enough to send me a wake-up call through my Wal-Mart guy that day! I love you too!

Do change!

 CHANGE.  Okay, so this may not be the best word to open a blog with if I intend to convince you to keep reading.  I realize that this word is nearly a curse word to most people.  There aren’t many of us that enjoy or welcome change.  Most of us enter into change being dragged, kicking and screaming.  The ironic things about change is though we dread it, there is not one of us that couldn’t think of at least one thing we’d like to do, or be, or see changed in our life. Whether it be our hair, our body, our marriage, our neighborhood, our job, our financial status, a relationship–we all have something we would change yesterday if we could! But it’s amazing to me that while we may want things to change,  we don’t necessarily want to change ourselves and we certainly don’t want to do anything out of our comfort zone to make those changes occur! But to talk about change? No problem! 

Have you ever noticed how often we say things like:

 ”If only I could lose weight…”

“If only I could have muscles like that…”

“If only my husband treated me better…”

“If only I knew the Bible better…”

“If only my kids and I were closer…”

“If only I could…”

“I wish I had more friends…”

“I wish I had more faith…”

 I love how sometimes we put off change by saying “Well, I’m just gonna pray about it!” That’s a great way to procrastinate changing isn’t it?

What a joke! (I’m laughing at myself too—don’t worry!)

But as God once pointed out to me, let me ask you: Have you ever read the book of the Bible located after the four gospels?  It’s called the book of Acts, because it is there where we find the Acts of the Apostles of Jesus Christ.

 Found among the pages of that book are the acts and the happenings of the apostles after the death of Jesus, as they were busily traveling the world, evangelizing, preaching the Word of God, healing the sick, helping the needy, feeding the poor the Bread of Life.  It is the true account of the apostles doing the will of God, not just praying about it and certainly not just talking about it! These men heeded the call to go out and do something to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Sure, they prayed, but they also did all they could to change and impact the world, one person at a time, one miracle at a time. 

 I believe we can learn something from the apostles. They were doers of the Word not hearers only which is exactly what we are instructed to be as found in James 1:22.   In the Gospels, Peter wanted to walk on water.  You might recall the story found in Matthew Chapter 14.  Peter and the disciples were out on a small boat.  Peter looked out on the water and saw a figure coming towards him.  When he came to realize that it was Jesus walking towards him on the water, he thought to himself, “Man, if only I could walk on water…”   But instead of him just sitting there in the boat thinking about doing it, he asked Jesus if he could come to him on the water.  Jesus said yes and Peter stepped out of the boat and began to walk on water. 

Okay, okay…so Peter took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink…yeah, I’ve heard that sermon too.  But before we get all critical of Peter, at least consider this: He wanted to walk on the water but knew it would take more than just desire, it would require a step—literally! So he did it. Peter stepped out of the boat while eleven other cowards sat back and watched!  He had a dream and he stepped out, which is more than I can say for most of us. 

Now what good would it have done for Peter to sit in the boat thinking about walking on water?  What if he sat there and just prayed about walking on water? Would he ever have had the experience? Of course not!  If he really wanted to walk on water, at some point he would have had to step out of that boat! The way I see it, like Peter, we either shut our mouths and do it, or spend the rest of our lives talking about it, and regretting that we didn’t.

 Maybe, like me, you’ve come to that place.  Maybe you’ve been out on the boat of your life with dreams, hopes, and desires to see change.  You’ve thought about them, talked about them, prayed about them and even regretted not doing anything about them.  Well, I’ve got a pretty good idea that you’re not alone.  The good news is you’re still alive.  And as long as you can still think about them, dream about them, and regret them, you still have the opportunity to see them come to pass.  So what are you waiting for? Stop talking, pondering and seeking a sign…

If you want to lose weight then begin eating more balanced, healthy foods and get active! 

If you want to have muscles, then lift weights! (No, sorry! Just joining a gym wont do it–you have to actually work out at the gym regularly before you’ll see results! )

If you want your husband to treat you better, than be the wife God called you to be first. (Ephesians 5:22-25)

If you want to know the Bible better…then read it!

If you want your kids to be closer, then reach out to them in love–and dont expect them to reach back right away…keep showing up. They’ll eventually see you’re genuine!

If you want more friends, then show yourself friendly as the Bible says in Proverbs 18:24.

Okay, I think you got the point…

Oh yeah, and if you wish you could just do something you’ve always wanted to do…then do as Peter did… and step out in faith!

Or as Julia Cameron once said, “Leap and the net will appear.”

Steps to Salvation in Christ

It’s the most important question you could ever ask: So how do I begin a relationship with Jesus Christ?

There’s no mystery, no special dance or ritual, no check to make out. God outlines the free, amazing gift of salvation in His Word, the Bible.

First and foremost, each of us desiring a relationship with God must get back into right standing with God. If you feel as though God is a million miles from you and that it is impossible to have a real relationship with your Creator then that may be because you have allowed sin to separate you from God. Don’t worry — you’re not alone. The Bible tells us that we have all sinned and fallen short of His Glory (Romans 3:23). Human sin separates us from a Holy God. The good news is God loves us so much that He made a way for us to be reconciled — or brought back —into communion with Him. The Bible is God’s word — His very thoughts. His Word clearly outlines a plan for us and declares that the only way for us to restore our right standing with God is through belief in His Son, Jesus.

Receiving the gift of salvation is as easy as A-B-C.

Please hear me: God is not mad at you! He may hate your sin but He loves you completely just as you are. God has an incredible plan for your life — if you will accept it. This plan begins with salvation, which is another word for belief in Jesus.

A)  Admit that you are a sinner in need of a Savior. Not one of us walking this planet is without sin (Romans 3:10); sin is simply rebellion against God and His ways. And because we are all sinners who have strayed from God’s laws, we need a Savior to rescue us from God’s impending judgment (death). You cannot save yourself through good deeds or works. You must admit your sin and recognize your need for a Savior. Jesus Christ is that Savior. Being an admirable, kind, generous person in the eyes of your peers will not get you into Heaven. Striving for perfection in this life will not do it.

B)  Believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that his death on the Cross was for you. Jesus suffered and died on the Cross in your place — as a sacrifice for your sins. That day he was buried but three days later, He rose. He is the only One who can save you (John 14:6). Jesus did this so that you could be brought into a relationship with a holy God (1 Peter 3:18). Why did he do this? Because of God’s amazing love for you (John 3:16). He paid the price for your sins.  To receive the gift of salvation and the assurance that you will spend eternity with God, you just have to choose to believe it. Salvation is a free gift. You cannot earn this gift; you need only to accept it wholeheartedly (Ephesians 2:8-9).

C)   Confess your sins to God. You may have also heard it said that we must “repent.” Both are correct and both are necessary. To confess it means to “own up to it” while repent means to turn from or “to change direction.” You must do both. If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). In other words, God will forgive you, blot out your sins (Acts 3:19), accept you, and place you in right standing with Him. You must then be willing to turn away from the things that displease God—and He will guide you and give you the strength to do just that!

If you truly want to know God, then I invite you to begin a relationship with Him today. Do not hesitate on the most critical decision of your life. A relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ is your only entry into Heaven and is the only way for you to experience true fulfillment while here on earth.

I invite you to pray this simple prayer with me from your heart.

Jesus, 

I need You. I can’t do life without You. I admit that I am a sinner and I acknowledge my need for a Savior. I believe that You are the Son of God who died for my sins, rose from the dead, and are alive today. I come to You right now asking you to forgive me. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I invite You into my heart and receive You as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for forgiving me and for giving me the gift of eternal life. Please help me daily to choose to live for You Jesus, one day at a time. Help me to become all You desire me to be from this moment forward.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

If you prayed that prayer, I want to hear from you! If you don’t connect with me, connect with someone immediately who you know is a follower of Christ. You just made the greatest decision of your life. The Bible says that the angels in Heaven are rejoicing over your decision this very minute. I’m rejoicing with you as well and would love to hear from you!

Do You Know God?

You might have read the title of this blog and thought “I already know all about God!” But before you click off this page, I’d ask that you press into that thought.

Do you truly know God?

Many people know about God but not everyone can say that they have had a life-changing encounter with God. There is a very significant difference between the two. Growing up, I attended church, heard about an “all-knowing, all-powerful” God in Heaven, and every night I routinely rattled off a list of prayers to Him.

As I got older, I found myself on various spiritual quests to “find God.” In retrospect, I was just trying to find myself. I was trying to find the meaning of life and my unique place in it. I bought books from spiritual gurus who offered me self-help exercises and fluffy mantras that focused me on a more “meaningful” direction. Each of those roads was new and interesting for a while but all lead to the same dead end. During this time of searching, I looked to things and people for happiness but that never filled the emptiness or defined my significance if I was honest about it. I set goals in my life and worked to make my life matter by doing the right things for my parents, for my teachers and later for my employers. I tried be perfect in everything, but found that an exhausting — and impossible — task.

Something was devastatingly wrong as I began to take a true inventory of my life — I was empty and there wasn’t a person, a possession or a profession in this life was going to fill up the hole. It wasn’t until I reached the end of myself that I was truly able to recognize that what I was missing in life was an authentic and intimate relationship with my creator. My entire life I had religion but no relationship. That startling reality brought me to a life-changing encounter with God and a commitment to Him that has dramatically transformed my life. My seeking has ended. My insatiable places, filled beyond my imagination.

God desires that same gift for you. Don’t let another moment pass you by without knowing true peace!

To find out how to enter into a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ, stay tuned — my next post will outline the surprisingly easy steps that will assure your salvation and launch to most important relationship of your life!